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Harsh by ~djmors17:icondjmors17:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Philosophical > Open


Sapphire skies and tear-filled eyes
Left with the day in which we will die
I forgive you again
I forgave you yesterday
Why are you so harsh?
Why am I so broken?

Heart-wrenching cries and sharp-tongued lies
Saying a new “One last goodbye”
You forgive me again
You forgave me yesterday
Why are you so sweet
And I’m always the one to blame?
©2006-2008 ~djmors17
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Submitted: September 7, 2006
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Comments: 9
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=questingraven:iconquestingraven: Sep 7, 2006, 12:44:03 PM
This reads almost like song lyrics. The stanzas have a tendancy to catch a bit on the Why lines ... almost as if they're two different thoughts or tempos ...

Regardless, this is supurbly written.

--
A Flower does not Bloom to be thanked for its Blossom.

-quoth the Raven.
~djmors17:icondjmors17: Sep 7, 2006, 1:07:27 PM
Thank you so much... I respect your opinion a great deal.

--
"No rain can wash away my tears
No wind can soothe my pain
You made me doubt, you made me fear
But now I'm not the same"
-Wolfsheim
=questingraven:iconquestingraven: Sep 7, 2006, 1:09:31 PM
My opinion and $5 will get you a coffee ;)

--
A Flower does not Bloom to be thanked for its Blossom.

-quoth the Raven.
~0-kyo:icon0-kyo: Sep 7, 2006, 3:34:24 PM
<3


you really should start posting again. i find myself missing your work despite all my big shit about hating poetry. bah, yours is an exception

--
[#|_|#]
[+|_|::]
nintendo DS lite = love!
+ a ? kid +
~0-kyo:icon0-kyo: Sep 7, 2006, 3:35:08 PM
and e. e. cummings, of course

--
[#|_|#]
[+|_|::]
nintendo DS lite = love!
+ a ? kid +
~eclipz04:iconeclipz04: Sep 8, 2006, 4:52:27 PM
I like the dual sides of it. Very simplistic, but the again/yesterday lines are really interesting.

--
"There is no greater evil than men's failure to consult and to consider." - Sophocles' Antigone
*kickmeiamadog:iconkickmeiamadog: Sep 11, 2006, 12:00:36 PM
I like the rhyme of the first lines of each stanza, but the metaphors and similies don't seem to have anything to compliment, they just seem to break up with angst with some beauty. Tis an interesting read, but seems lacking in a way.

--
Well all i can say is if my heart was quiet i would feel empty, the fact it still beats out a sadness means i still have a heart to care. - Me 24/05/04

I am an adopter at :iconwriters:
~Masterpsyker:iconMasterpsyker: Oct 19, 2006, 10:21:01 AM
IMO, your work always reads like something new.

I tried the "versus" perspective one time and it didn't work out quite how I wanted it to, so I shelved it for a time.

Well executed

-MP

--
I feel as though I am drifting through a sea of choices... drowning in my own potential.

Are you drowning too?
~ang3lboy2001:iconang3lboy2001: Oct 25, 2006, 6:43:16 AM
I really like the first two lines of each stanza; the rhyme and rhythm blend wonderfully. The rest seems to have promise, but it's not as eye-poppingly good as the first bits.

--
Sticks and stones may break my bones;
But whips and chains excite me..
So roll me over -
Tie me up -
And show me that you like me
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